CASCADE

when my lights go low, i noticed something lucid shattering inside me. it's like i see something more than "hope" itself. i see my life ahead of me, not too clear, but bright. should i see this as basis that even if i would just lay on my bed the whole day, my life will be at its best later? sometimes, i would feel full and then at times, i feel so empty. i could sometimes see myself strolling in the same old place, so familiar yet too dimly lighted that i would feel like i'm lost yet i am safe. when i doze off, i would often have dreams of me burning into a forest where i was a warrior who battled with fire just to save myself and at the same time trying to wake my physical body. i also had dreamed about drowning and another kid was trying to push me deeper into the water. i had again fought with the kid, struggling to be alive. again, i was dreaming like it was a real one.


recently, i talked to my brother. i asked guidance. i asked him to be with me and help me pick up my pieces, give me something worth to look forward to. i've been brave enough to face my life's antagonists, but why is it harder to fight myself? in the first place, why have i been myself's enemy? how did it happen? i was trying to make my life better which resulted to a kind of experience that made me despise myself. what am i feeling? where am i heading? whom am i going to talk to? is it enough to just allow things to drift away? do i still have better options? am i still given another chance? i am so tired, but i can't just give up the promise i made. for myself. for my family. for JR. 

EPILOGUE

all of a sudden, there was change
and yet i thought this is ephemeral.
all of a sudden, there was you
and yet sight was hazy till you came clear.
all of a sudden, there was emotions
and yet i was too scared what my eyes reveal.
feelings untamed, emotions overflowing.

insatiable i am.
grasping only what's given.
inseparable i wanted us.
will it be too much to ask?
blissful romance, a myth.
now, i wanted to believe.

there is us.
there you are.
i hate the minute we're apart,
yet i'm restless when you're around.
i'm alive, my breathing's shallow.
in time your around,
i couldn't help but bellow.
stay.
that's all i'm asking.
love.
that's where we should be heading.