CYCLONIC FORCE

I often times think of what could there be if the sky is never blue on sunny days? and never gray when there's a storm coming? how will the earth be, if trees aren't green and lands are never brown? will the people be different or everything will still be the same? does one color has something to do with the way we believe things? does a particular color has the power to change a single thing?

sometimes, we tend to question the existence of something that is already there. we debate on things that shouldn't be argued about. we love to doubt on stuffs that we shouldn't mind of in the first place. human nature. that explains everything. we may tend to be so nosy because we have minds that are superbly unbelievable. we always have this variety of knowledge that either leads us to destruction (for worst) or bliss (for best). we have the tendency to be a monster and at the same time a saint. humans are really unpredictable. humans are superheroes themselves. we are the wildest jackass. we are the greatest theft. we have sins loaded on us, too unbearable yet too light to keep. we have tons of memories that are worth the blood-sweat. most of the times, we reminisce not because we have no choice when we're alone, but it's like a drug that we are addicted to. loving it as we continue on using it.

what has life to do with transitions then? i guess at some point in our lives, we tend to be someone we really wanted ourselves to be. although there is no specifics, we just go with the flow and adapt to whoever we're with. may they be good or bad, it usually depicts a sense of us. a sense of what we are really looking for and a sense of exploring our other side. when we are done with that, we actualize if we really wanted to be the person that we are or we need another transition that would greatly satisfy ourselves.

if i were to talk about my transitions, i can say that it has never been easy wearing a lot of different masks. it was never easy taking criticisms and negative feedbacks from people who do not understand why i am undergoing so many changes. it was never easy living a life so full and eventful with all those different throngs and a lot of hose who consider you an important friend, yet i have only a few in my list. the best lesson i gained from this is the maturity of handling relationships with other people and being a good friend. the bad lesson? is that i never grow with lessons i should be learning for myself alone. the aspect of my being where i should be exploring relationship with a man, and now that i am in a complicated situation with a person who doesn't even know he brought a lot of changes in my life, i think i am learning and that i am moving on.

life is indeed cynical. there will always be a sinister of storm clouds. yet, this shouldn't allow us to be hapless. we have to think of the rainbow after the storm. we have to think about the colors, and i would agree that indeed colors have a connection to our living senses.

CONVIVIAL ATMOSPHERE

what is still out there to make me feel worst? you see, i have everything in life experienced. i don't have to wait and wail about some issues because i am done doing it. i get away to search for something i do not even know what. i get away to somehow self-actualize, and yes i did. i get away to make me feel sober from all the spirits i have had in my hometown. i get away just to quench my thirst and now i am over hydrated. i didn't get away to really get away from him. what has all our memories do with that? it will always haunt me especially that i am alone and memories just keep on coming back... raw and fresh. i still silently cry at night reminiscing all those moments that had caused enormous pain and the moments that had caused joyful exuberance. i would still think about the one time i really felt like i was choked and that breathing was really hard. it would make me think, "how could that be so possible?" but then, things happen and if it pass as quickly as u blink, then good for you.

this time has been both a boon and a bane.i guess this is the best time i ever had in my life since i let things happen the way it's supposed to be. nobody holds it and nobody sets things freely. i am managing the events. i am taming my emotions. i am writing every chapters the best way i could. i am reviewing from all my bad experiences, and i am including His guidance in every step i take. what has life in store for me will always be bittersweet, yet i know that i will be the sweetest pea in the end. i don't have to agonize because i did not have the major things i wanted in my life right now, instead, i have to be so much thankful that my persistence had lay low. God has a really disapproving way of making us strong and fate has its own playful way of mending our pains. whether, i choose to laugh or to cry, the options will always be significant.