Of Blood and Tears

Why does the torturing won't stop? I see that bloody firmament and i couldn't pass by the meadow without my tears turned crimson. Oh, I hate the feeling of rejection because I know them too much. The most wicked torture I man-made myself. I allow these demons to eat me alive. I welcome the shadows of my past in my intense dreams. Would you, my loving world bring me justice? Or should I be the one seeking for it? It's always my downfall, and I don't think I'll ever learn the lesson. Or maybe I am addicted to the pain it gives me. I thought love is the morphine? Why then I still feel the wounds were never healed? The wounds keep on getting more abrasions. Will I wait for the numbness of my soul? Or should I just allow this to keep on burning 'till I'm used to it? I have been there. Now, i am again getting there. I know exactly how it feels, but I keep coming back. Why? Do I  have the feeblest heart? Do I deserve this? Or am I just cursed? Whatever the answers to these queries, I intend to be myself. It's the only defense I could come up with. I always have to take the risks even if it means being the bloodied lass, broken and alone in the end.