LOST IN TRACK

I am always in a hurry. It's like someone or something is chasing me and I do not even know who or what it is. I always take things for granted and my decisions are never close to succeeding. I almost feel that my life is hanging. There is no consistency with the way I push things and that makes me sad every time. I am starting to think that there is something wrong with the way I maneuver my life. I am so distracted. I am so weak. I am a lowly soul and that makes me indifferent with things. My dreams are big and my ambitions are always flamboyant. Now, it seems I am near to drifting.
How could it be that I have this head full yet I always think I’m a failure? I do not want this kind of life I’m living with right now. I have been so independent and apart from the people who care about my life. My problems are my own, and though I am struggling hard, I can't seem to solve it. They said I’m smart, I said I am. But who would believe I am what I am when all I show to them is my rebel side? Am I really a rebel? I do not know. Maybe that is why I am so sad. Maybe that is why I can't seem to have the person I love. Maybe that is why I have a lot of grudges. Maybe that is why I lost concentration in my studies, in my writings, in my more productive activities. I fail to be the person I am supposed to be because I am seeing what my eyes can only see. I fail to do my tasks because I am so weak and easily tempted. I neglect my duties and responsibilities because I fail to assess my self. I am not myself anymore. I changed a lot and it’s not for the better. My emotions are overflowing and overwhelming me. Though how positive I am to think about the good things I can do, everything seem to mix up.
This past week, I am thinking how to start it all over again. I want to be the person I dream to be. The one daughter that my dad would be proud of. The one sister my siblings would look up to. The one person my friends would be happy for, and the one woman somebody would fall in love with.
I will be that person. I have to be. I am still young, and I still can drive my life back to its original route. Soon, I will feel the bliss I am longing for. There is no way I can never be what I am supposed to be.
My fate is to be happy.