BROKEN

what do i feel right now? empty. i would rather choose this feeling than being superbly happy and be haplessly broken afterwards. i am just human capable of loving yet somehow i have this kind of curse.

i never believed in love. i believe that two persons meet not cause of love but cause they are bound to leave marks on each others life. ephemeral bliss and eternal pain= LOVE. i despise lovers. i think they’re wannabe superstars. i love kissing and hugging, but i never wanna see it done by 2 persons claiming they’re inlove. i never believe in commitments, in marriage and in lifetime partnership. i think they ruin the cycle of change. i never believe there is one person who’s born for you, cause i think he is evil.

i always think the positive ways. i hated pessimists. now, can i say i hate myself? i laugh at hopelessness and melodramatics. now, should i laugh at myself? i am a laughing stock! now that i threw away my worth and pride. the attributes i spent my life sowing, now withered.
you see? i kept all of these inside. i was portraying the good things in life. the best things there is. i talk to people like i am a perfect example of problem-free individual.

that WAS BEFORE I MET HIM. now everything’s changed. i am broken, and my pieces are scattered. ;( i don’t know what has gotten into me. should i thank him for filling in the empty space in my life? or hate him for making me the feeblest creature alive?